Restaurant owners and chefs may have thought that with the enacting of last years legislation requiring them to list 14 different allergens on their menus that Minister Varadkar’s crusade would move on to another target. They were wrong, it’s 2015, he’s back and this time he intends to do real damage, so chefs…brace yourselves for the coming storm. Broad Hint of what’s going to be annoying the hell out of you this year: LeoVaradkar is planning on making you count every calorie on every dish you serve, we’ll get back to this later after we’ve vented our spleens a bit more. In any case, before I bring you this rant in full, I have my own professional obligation to fulfill and that’s to remind you that when we’re not foaming at the mouth in a fury about a hyper regulatory, publicity seeking, narcissist we’re in the business of Catering Recruitment and endeavour to offer the finest quality chef jobs, or at least the best ones we can get our hands on. Now, commercial interlude over, back to the meat of savaging this proposed stupidity.
Leo’s Own High Calorie Addiction
Although Minister Varadkar is a leading member of a cabinet which has shown little inclination to curb its own high calorie cravings, overspending for one – they fund an annual budget deficit of €6 Billion plus (through borrowings), while burdening us with a vertigo inducing debt to GDP ratio of 172% (in contrast, Greece’s debt to GDP ratio is a rather shapely 100%) he’s messianic in his belief that he’s the go to guy to cure the everyday slob, that’s us, of our addictions.
Leo’s Healthful, Unhelpful, Advice To Chefs – WORK HARDER
But before he gets there he has a cunning plan to make one of the hardest and most demanding jobs, ahem, harder. So who is in Leo’s sights this time? Yup, a favourite target of Leo’s, chefs.
- actual hard work
- troublesome and
- YOUR JOB!
Do Your Job Minister – Especially The Difficult Bits
A Rightly Hostile Reception From The Hospitality Industry
Only One Man Knows The ‘Correct’ Price Of A Pint
The Unbearable Lightness Of Ministerial Office
Newry Bound Again – Just Like The Old Days
Puritanical Obsessions Are Always Totalitarian
Of all tyrannies, a tyranny sincerely exercised for the good of its victims may be the most oppressive. It would be better to live under robber barons than under omnipotent moral busybodies. The robber baron’s cruelty may sometimes sleep, his cupidity may at some point be satiated; but those who torment us for our own good will torment us without end for they do so with the approval of their own conscience.
– C. S. Lewis
It’s with at least some regret that I must interrupt this non-commercial outburst with a common sense appeal to chefs: Chefs now that you’re here don’t leave without uploading your chef CV/Resume here.
Varadkar’s Bootleggers Charter
Daddy What ‘Was’ A Chefs Special?
Leo Does Carvery
Not Every ‘Good’ Needs To Be Mandatory
— Adrian Cummins (@adriancummins) February 9, 2015
This Isn’t Thalidomide, It Isn’t Even HACCP
The Era Of Zero Labeling And Slimmer Hips
Confusing ‘Nice’ With ‘Must’
A Modest Proposal
A Laughable Anti-Obesity Manifesto – But It’s Less Laughable Than Leo’s
- Children must walk to school, just like they did in the old days. Parents who live within a 2.5KM radius of schools found driving their children to school to be the subject of an on the spot fine and 20 press-ups to be executed on the hard shoulder, or footpath.
- People caught driving to work who are found to live within a 4.5KM radius of their place of employment to be the subject of an on the spot fine and 40 tummy-crunches [to be executed on the hard shoulder, or footpath], as will be any passengers found to be traveling with them. Good for you, whether you like it or not, good for the environment, and good for your passengers.
- All game consoles to have a government approved kill switch which is triggered after 35 minutes gaming.
- Employers to be given an 18 month period to replace all “sitting desks” with standing desks
- Home Economics to become a mandatory subject in schools for all pupils regardless of gender (here they can get themselves a clue about calories instead of the government kicking the responsibility to educate them down the road to already hard pressed private sector restaurants, it’s not as if education isn’t costing us enough already, how about some value Leo?)
- Family Calorie Allowance Club Cards: Through a public-private sector partnership the government spearheads the creation of a universal family grocery card incorporating many of the advantage of preexisting supermarket loyalty card programs but with “Leo optimised” family calorie rationing. Once you hit your family’s calorie ceiling it becomes illegal for any vendors to sell to you for the rest of that week. What should this ration limit be? Search me, but Leo probably knows, he seems to know everything else. Anyway it’s not as if most obese people get most of their obesity in restaurants, I should know, I’ve gotten obese in my own kitchen which is awash in products with big serious, scary calorie labels.
- Reintroduce Corporal Punishment In Schools: Later, obese, generations really don’t know what they missed. A good daily salutary trashing burns those calories off tubby pupils like nothing else and for middle aged teachers it’s a real boon, fewer sassy pupils mouthing off to them, and a suite of, solid, refreshing, aerobic, interval workouts, satisfyingly interspersed throughout the day. Standing desks all round, and lower rates of ADHD almost overnight, what’s not to like?
- All TV Sets to have a government kill switch. The switch is triggered to knock the signal out after 30 minutes continuous viewing but comes back on after a 8 minute “exercise period.” It’s envisaged that a majority of viewers will use these breaks to lose their tempers and rant, both of which involve movement and serious calorie burn. An exception to this rule will be that those viewers patriotic enough to be watching “Government TV” i.e. RTE (another thing you’ll pay for, whether you like it or not) who can enjoy uninterrupted viewing in the national interest. It’s also the best station to catch a glimpse of Minister Leo, wholesome viewing for the entire family.
- Make it illegal for Taxi’s to pick up fares for distances less then 4.5KM during daylight hours or 3KM after dark.
- On the job callisthenics. All employers to set aside a space, and time, for supervised employee callisthenics. Apparently this works very well in North Korea, a country which could teach us a thing or two about staying in shape.
- All boys and girls between the ages of 10 – 14 to take on a compulsory milk (skimmed only) round or paper round.
- The cat doesn’t get the cream anymore, cream to be banned along with cats. Leo doesn’t like cats. (I simply made that last bit up, for all I know Leo’s known to his close friends as Leo “Catman” Varadkar)
KOREAN STYLE – NO OBESITY HERE MINISTER
Compulsory Home Economics
“Giving calorie details on menus is a very simple but effective way of encouraging people to choose a healthier option,” he said. “Food options can be ‘deceptive.’ Some salads contain more calories than a burger meal. But if we make the information clearly available, at the very least people can make an informed choice.”
— Eamonn O’Reilly (@_EamonnOReilly) February 7, 2015